“Through the Youth Sports Looking Glass: Lessons Learned by a Father and a Novice Coach”
There are no shortage of roles that I’ve learned to play in my kids’ lives. Caregiver. Mentor. Conflict mediator. Transportation director. Meal planner. Eye examiner. Class project consultant. Personal safety analyst. Bedtime routine coordinator. School lunch packer. Schedule organizer. Observation and experience go hand in hand with learning, and while I’m no expert on most tasks (except for maybe eye examiner), they’ve all taught me something. One of the most enjoyable roles I’ve played during my kids’ adolescence has come from coaching them in youth sports. Coaching has taught me about organization, coordination, communication, and leadership. I’ve learned things about my kids, their peers, and even myself on small and large scales alike. My purpose for writing this post is to share some of my youth sports coaching observations, and to encourage anyone who hasn’t taken the opportunity to coach to consider giving it a try. My biggest motivations for being involved are that I care about my children and I want to help give them meaningful experiences. So long as I lead with those priorities in mind then I know that any youth sports season I contribute to will be a successful one, regardless of wins, losses, plaques, trophies, or medals.
Coaching your kids requires a different level of commitment than it does to observe them as a spectator, but the payoff is worth it.
As parents of our 13-year-old son and 9-year-old daughter, Jen and I are right in the thick of things on our child-raising journey. Between the kids’ school demands and their extracurriculars, along with our own careers and life commitments, most of our family’s days are full. We try to encourage our kids to participate in activities that keep them active, engaged with peers, and involved with their community. Certain times of the year are busier for us than others, but we always try to find ways to make it work. One of the most rewarding aspects to coaching is that it allows us to connect with our kids on a deeper level. We can teach them about things that they enjoy doing which we too have a passion for. As they get older, our window of opportunity to get involved with them grows shorter, and the days when they will still consider it cool to hang out with both their friends and their parents at the same time will eventually become fewer and farther in between. When done right, the coaching experience helps to keep us relatable, and can be a great way to both prolong and strengthen the bonds we already share with them.
When a new sports season arrives, realize that the first day of practice will tell a lot more about the character and attitude of your players than it will about their athletic abilities.
There’s no shortage of energy on the first day of practice. The adrenaline rush for both players and coaches can be palpable, resulting in varying levels of excitement, nervousness, and distractions. For some kids it will be the first time they’ll re-engage with a sport since the end of the prior year’s season. Others will hit the ground running. Most kids aren’t going to show up to the start of a new sports season with aspirations of playing on, or training for the junior Olympic team. They’re often present for the simple purposes of having fun and seeing their friends (as they should be!). Odds are most of them will be rusty, so be careful about evaluating their abilities too critically. Consider focusing your attention on other variables, like identifying which kids are adept at listening to you while you talk, as opposed to those who are more prone to whispering to their friends in the background. Look for eye contact and communication ability when speaking to players one-on-one. Pay attention to those who’ll take feedback when you give it to them by trying to apply your suggestions, versus those who seem less receptive to the concept of change. Try figuring out who the goofballs are. Observe which kids naturally form groups, as well as those who are inclined to work alone. Notice the players who provide encouragement to others, especially when they see teammates who are struggling. Keep track of your hardest workers and commend them for their effort to hustle. Be aware of who openly displays their emotions, as well as who hides them. Watch the way kids treat their own athletic equipment, and how respectful they are toward the property of other people. Do certain players consistently demonstrate the ability to think on their own? Are they self-motivated? Do they act like they’re aware of their surroundings? These are all good questions to reflect on. One of my favorite things to look for is which players are capable of laughing at their own mistakes, as opposed to who may take their performance a little too seriously. Many kids are sensitive to perceived criticism, so if you can learn to give constructive feedback in a way that comes off as being non-threatening, then your odds of getting through to your most challenging players will be far greater.
Not every practice or game will be easy. As a season progresses, there’ll be days when it’ll feel like you’re moving upstream through a river of mud. Odds are your athletes are making progress though, even if it doesn’t always seem like it.
Coaching youth sports is rewarding, but the experience can also, at times, feel exhausting. Kids don’t always hustle the way we’d like them to. They can become distractible, non-compliant, and disruptive. There’ll be times when they fail to demonstrate the skills we’ve taught them; leaving us to wonder whether any portion of our efforts have made even the slightest impact on their athletic capabilities. I can recall days of throwing batting practice in the scorch of summer; sweat in my eyes, dust in my throat, praying to God that he deliver us from our swing-and-miss suffering by allowing us to clear the base paths with that elusive final hit. I’ve coached basketball practices on merciless winter nights and witnessed, to my dismay, an entire team of eight- and nine-year-old children bouncing off the gymnasium walls like BINGO balls trapped in a glass aquarium. Hearing that the coaching process can be hard shouldn’t come as a surprise. What’s important is to keep yourself (and your athletes) moving forward. If an exercise, technique, or communication strategy isn’t working, then take a pause and try something else. You can always circle back to review things at a later time. Remind your players that it’s okay to struggle, especially in a safe and supportive environment. Encourage kids to welcome the more challenging aspects of their training, knowing that the goal isn’t so much about mastery as it is about progress and growth.
Teaching kids how to win is important, especially as athletes get older, but for youth players it should never come at the cost of taking away from their experience.
Wins and losses aren’t necessarily the fairest metric for determining the quality of a youth coach’s work. There’ll always be a range of athletic abilities with any group of kids. The truth is that not all teams will be balanced evenly. Some will begin their season having a large number of players who are already highly talented. Others will have a majority who are far less experienced. The job of a coach is to teach all of their athletes the skills of team and individual play. For me, the best testament to my efforts can be seen in the improvement of those players who struggle the most at the start of the season. If you’re going to play all of your athletes evenly at the youth level (which you should!), the wins and losses success of your team will depend on how much you can build up your least experienced players. Take this task as a welcomed challenge. Most coaches will aim for a spot in the “big game” at the end of their season, and that’s great, but just because we aspire to get there doesn’t mean we should only put our top-tier athletes on the field or on the court. The experience of playing in big-game situations should be had by everyone at a youth level. Selling any players short of it for the sole purpose of winning a trophy simply isn’t worth the tradeoff.
Developing your players’ abilities is important. While you’re at it, don’t forget the value of building team culture.
The commitment that goes into running a youth sports team requires time, dedication, and sacrifice. Players, coaches, and player family members are all invested in the journey. Knowing the work that goes in, we should never underestimate the importance of having fun. If we’re going to commit ourselves to the process, the least we should hope is that it’s enjoyable. By fostering a team culture based on support and encouragement, we create an atmosphere that is primed for success, and a sense of camaraderie that will continue long past the close of the sports season.
Have I convinced anyone from the bleachers to step forward and give coaching a try? Above all things, the coaching experience is a great way to spend time and build memories with your child. Realize that the way your child behaves at home could be a little different than the way they act toward you as their coach. The parent-coach relationship will be just as new to them as it is to you, so when you first start out, be careful not to be overly critical of their performance. Odds are they’ll be just as nervous as you are.
Thanks for tuning in everyone! As always, your support is appreciated.
- Todd
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