“When the Storm Comes: Rethinking Our Viewpoint of Strength”
During my college years, back in what seems like a lifetime ago, I had the fortunate experience of working in one of the most fascinating learning environments imaginable. The job would teach me about team work, sacrifice, human nature, and the importance of good decision making. For seven summers, and countless school-year weekends and holiday breaks, I spent my days and nights working at Monk’s Bar & Grill, in downtown Wisconsin Dells. Cook, bartender, server, and manager. The daily work environment at Monk’s could be a lot of things: loud, demanding, hectic, fun, exhausting, and filled with more drama than an entire season of your favorite reality TV show. There’s so much that can be learned from having a job in a place like Monk’s. As one of the general managers who I worked with once told me, “Everyone should have the experience of what it’s like to spend a month in a jail, and a summer working in the food and beverage industry.”
You meet a lot of unique characters while working in a bar. That’s what makes it interesting.
My purpose for writing this post isn’t to tell tales about my adventures of working at Monk’s. That would require an entirely separate (though plausible) blog altogether. Instead, my intentions are to recount a piece of advice I was given during the first year I worked there. One day at the start of my shift, I noticed a pair of regulars seated at the bar who were talking to some of my coworkers. A man and a woman, they were a married couple, probably in their mid to late sixties who I’d gotten to know during my first few weeks of employment. When I approached them to say hi, the man turned to me and said, “Todd, I have a question for you, and I want you to think hard about it,” as he continued, I noticed the looks my coworkers were giving me and I could tell they’d already had turns answering whatever question he was about to ask me. “If you had to be a tree, which would you choose, and why?” I paused to consider my response, and eventually I decided on an evergreen, seeing how they had thick leaves that didn’t fade, and they remained strong year round. The man smiled, and after giving me some credit for my answer, he told me, “The wind is going to push you in every direction during your life. What’s most important is that you’re flexible. If a tree can’t bend then it doesn’t matter how strong it is. Sooner or later it’s going to crack. Forget the evergreen. Be like the palm tree. They can outlast a hurricane. They’ll bend all the way to the ground without breaking.”
We’re given a lot of advice in our lives. It’s funny how some of the random stuff can stick with us.
There’s a tendency for many of us to associate strength, first and foremost, with qualities like toughness and power. Physical strength is certainly important, and easy to appreciate when we see videos of palm trees being pummeled by hurricane-strength winds; blown in every direction, sometimes to the point of being horizontal to the ground. Yet as the storm subsides, the palms remain standing; their leaves ruffled; their roots not only intact but stronger. The physical toughness of palms is only part of their story, though, since so many of their defining characteristics, such as flexibility, perseverance, and adaptability are actually reflections of inner strength. Equating the palm tree to a symbol for resilience is by no means a unique concept. Even so, it was an impactful one for me to hear that day at Monk’s, especially when you consider the point I was at in my life as a young adult preparing to step forward and make my early marks in the world.
You can have convictions and still be adaptable.
By incorporating the adaptive nature of the palm tree into our lives, it doesn’t mean we have to become pushovers. Guiding principles are essential, but we should also be careful not to convince ourselves that we already know all the answers. The full truth about anything is rarely understood, regardless of how informed, fair-minded, or smart we might think we are. In Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values, we’re told: “If your values are rigid you can’t really learn new facts (Pirsig 399).” In today’s world, more than ever before, this concept challenges us to question preconceived notions, and to foster a growth mindset in the way we approach conflicts, whether they’re from external or internal sources.
Not all of the advice we’re given in our lives (or in a bar) is solicited, though it does serve a purpose. So keep your ears open and your head on a swivel! When you see the storm coming, hold your ground but try to remain flexible. Life can be relentless and we need to be ready for anything.
Thanks for reading, everyone. Until next time!
- Todd
Work Cited disclosure:
Pirsig, Robert M. Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry Into Values. New York: HarperTorch. 2006. Mass Market Paperback.
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