“Good Intentions, Lasting Impressions, and the Best Advice I Can Give My Children”
As a parent, I understand the importance of protecting my children, but I also realize that part of my job is to prepare them for the world that’s waiting. I have the responsibility to teach my kids that words like adaptability, perseverance, and integrity have meanings and real-life applications. The best way I can foster these principles is through patience and empathy. Any attempt to force my knowledge will do no good. I have so much I want to show my kids, and so little time to do it. This is one of the great challenges of parenting. When I consider my life experiences and the things I’ve learned, I realize there’s a lot of information to sift through. If I try to teach my kids everything at once, I’m going to lose them, and so in order to hit home on my major points I need to demonstrate that I believe in my words by trying to exemplify them through my actions. This too, is another challenge of parenting. Fortunately, some of the most meaningful knowledge I can pass on to them is also self-evident, and illustrates values that have been just as instrumental in helping to shape my own belief system as I could ever hope from anything that would influence theirs:
Work hard, be a good person, and try to learn something.
Working hard.
The act of working hard is just as much (if not more) about a person’s mental attitude as it is their physical ability. There are those who’ll say that working smarter is far more important than working harder. After all, our time is important, and once it’s gone we can’t get it back. While I do understand the logic behind this mentality, I also believe there are situations when a person has to put the analytics aside, reach in, and get their hands dirty. We all face challenges in our lives, and as a general rule I tend to be skeptical whenever I hear someone argue that we can, and should solve problems using a do-nothing approach. The choice is ours as to whether we are persons of action or of intentions. The commitment to working hard isn’t easy, but if we resolve to do it, then we may discover other understanding along our way which opens doors we didn’t notice from the start. This holds true in all types of circumstances. Workplace. Family. School. Sports. By focusing on the work itself, we stay mindful in the present and less stressed about future outcomes.
Being a good person.
Expecting people to be kind to one another doesn’t seem like a very big ask. Still, not everyone (myself included) is always as good at doing it as they should be. Our desire to have the final word, to vent our frustrations, to get our digs in, and to express what we believe are incontestable opinions can cause lasting harm both to ourselves and to those around us. For some, the habit is so predictable that it evolves into something like a personality trait; such a natural part of a person’s daily life that they don’t even recognize when they’re doing it. I really don’t believe most human beings are bad people. Sometimes things happen that leave people jaded, and eventually their resentment works its way to the surface by manifesting in the way they treat others. Whenever I fall into my own ruts, I try to remember the things I tell my kids about building people up. Family members, classmates, teammates, and friends. We all need one another. By trying to bring out the best in those around us we know that what we’re doing is right, and in turn we repay ourselves the favor in full.
Trying to learn something.
I’ve written about the importance of having a growth mindset (“When the Storm Comes: Rethinking our Viewpoint of Strength”) and of being open to the idea of lifelong learning (“From the Starting Gate to the Finish Line, and the Greatest Life Lesson In Between”) in other posts. Resistance to learning new things is very much rooted in fear. Specifically, the prospect that what we assume is the truth might not be the actual or entire truth. When we take time to evaluate our understanding of something by letting more information in, we don’t make ourselves weaker. If our beliefs are accurate, then further investigation will only help to support our stances. If our beliefs are inaccurate, then that’s something we need to address, assuming the truth is what we’re really after. Life shouldn’t be viewed as a race to figure things out, anymore than it should require us to create a checklist of convictions that we defend at all costs with our eyes closed, our ears plugged, and our feet planted firmly in the ground. There’s a cost that comes with living by an unwavering approach, and pride is the biggest cause of its downfall. One of the healthiest ways to exist is by adapting a learn-as-we-go outlook. Learn, expand, relearn, and grow.
The difference between what I say and I what I do: an unshakeable reminder that I am, and always will be an imperfect parent.
There are kids in our home, and so I understand the importance of trying to live by my words. Leadership on any level is about more than just barking out orders. In Sun Tzu’s The Art of War, we’re told that, “The general must be the first in the toils and fatigues of the army (Tzu 203).” As most parents can attest, there are no shortages of toils or fatigues when it comes to raising children. We have an abundance of teaching strategies at our disposal, and hypocrisy shouldn’t be one of them. I stand by the importance of the “work hard, be a good person, and try to learn something” decree. For me, the hard work component is the easiest part to follow. Being a good person can come with challenges, depending on the situation or the individual I’m interacting with. Same goes for staying open-minded, particularly in the face of viewpoints that run counter to my own perspectives. I have no illusions to being a master of my own advice, and I recognize that I need to give grace to those around me when they fall short of my desired expectations. A person’s shortcomings should not define them in anyone’s estimation. None of us are perfect, and the flaws we share in this regard help serve as gentle reminders that we’re all just human.
Thanks for reading everyone. I appreciate your time and support!
- Todd
Work cited disclosure:
Tzu, Sun. The Illustrated Art of War. Illustrated by Samuel B. Griffith. New York: Oxford University Press, Inc. 2005. Hardcover.
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