“Sportsmanship 101: The Pitfalls of Bragging and Blaming”
My inspiration behind this post comes from my wife, Jennifer. As a public school educator, Jen has spent the majority of her 18-year teaching career instructing third grade students at Brooklyn Elementary School, in Brooklyn, Wisconsin. Jen is selfless, humble, positive, and kind. She has every quality you could ever want in a teacher (and a spouse!), and is the hardest working person I know. A few years ago she was talking to our kids about sportsmanship, and what she said to them really stuck with me. The advice she gave them was something she’d learned from now-retired Brooklyn Elementary School teacher, Dale Schulz; a 34-year teaching veteran in the Oregon School District.
“Don’t brag when you win, don’t blame when you lose.”
Classroom educators might recognize the first part of this phrase from the book: The Essential 55: An Award-Winning Educator’s Rules for Discovering the Successful Student in Every Child, by Ron Clark, which states: “When you win, do not brag; when you lose, do not show anger (Clark 14).” For teachers like Jen and Dale, this type of strategy encourages kids to pay attention to their actions in the face of both victory and defeat. The principle emphasizes the importance of good sportsmanship while placing a higher precedence on what can be learned through competition, rather than dwelling solely on winning and losing. This isn’t to say we should disregard the importance of trying to win. We can still inspire kids to do their best, but by eliminating brag and blame from the equation, we promote a perspective-based approach, which can foster both empathy and accountability into their actions and reactions.
One reason why many kids struggle with bragging and blaming is that their competitive natures are misguided. Recognizing and addressing the issue early on is the key to creating teachable moments.
As adults, we have the luxury of looking back at the experiences of our lives to help us appreciate, understand, and manage our competitive natures. We’re drawn to pursue certain interests by our desire to be the best that we’re capable of at them. We recognize the same qualities in our peers, and whether by intention or by chance, we surround ourselves with likeminded people. Spouses. Co-workers. Friends. For many of us, the trend is real. Should we then be surprised if our kids turn out the same way? When we observe our kids bragging and blaming, our first instinct might be to scold them. While discipline is an essential ingredient in the solution, there are also some simple truths to keep in mind. Kids aren’t always going to make perfect decisions. If they lose at something, they might be sensitive about it. If they succeed, they can be oblivious to their reactions. There’s more to the solution than simply demanding they do a better job of managing their emotions in the face of success and failure. Like most things in their lives, they require guidance on how to do it.
If my child is making a regular habit of bragging and blaming, what should it be telling me?
Anyone who’s had to address bragging and blaming with their kids has probably asked themselves the same question: are they learning their behavior from me? I think the most reasonable answer is this: not necessarily. Many of us tend to over-think issues that involve our kids. The truth is they’re going to do things we don’t approve of, sometimes with little to no reasoning behind their actions. Still, we mustn’t completely overlook the possibility of learned behaviors. We live in a world of humble-bragging. We wait patiently during conversations with others to turn the attention onto ourselves by “one-upping” them in their stories. When problems arise at work, home, and school, we deflect blame onto our bosses, spouses, and kids’ teachers. On the occasions when bragging and blaming happen, it might seem obvious to those around us, even though we, much like our kids, probably don’t realize we’re doing it.
If kids practice poor sportsmanship, we should encourage them to take ownership for their actions.
I have no problem with my kids making mistakes. What bothers me is if they won’t admit to their wrongdoings and move on. By bragging, they bring attention onto themselves for all the wrong reasons. By blaming, they overlook the fact that they probably could’ve done something differently. Talking to our kids when they fall short of expectations can yield mixed results. The more we say, the less they may seem to listen. The results can be hit or miss, even on a good day. At times, I try to remind myself that the best advice I can give them is also the simplest: “Do better.”
Shining examples of sportsmanship in collegiate and professional sports are hard to come by, but they do exist.
Wouldn’t it be nice if our athletic and coaching heroes would always provide us with shining examples of good sportsmanship? Unfortunately, the behavior we’ve come to expect from many of them is no different than what we witness from kids. Lucky for us, there are exceptions to this rule. I recall watching a post-basketball game interview a few years back with Geno Auriemma; head coach of the UConn Women’s basketball team. The date was March 31st, 2017. UConn had just lost in the national semifinal game in an overtime thriller to Mississippi State by a score of 66-64. The loss marked the end of a 111-game winning streak for the UConn program. This was a record-setting mark in college basketball, spanning a period of two-and-a-half years, and a run that included two national titles. The game would be decided in the closing seconds, and for the UConn team, the loss was nothing short of heartbreaking. When asked by reporters about having his program’s historic winning streak snapped, I’ll never forget Coach Auriemma’s words: “I understand losing, believe it or not. We haven’t lost in a while, but I understand it. I know how to appreciate when other people win.”
A class act all the way. The world needs more people like Coach Auriemma. As many as we can get!
I hope this post finds all of you well, and that you’re enjoying the writing blog. Thanks for reading and, as always, for your continued support!
- Todd
Work Cited disclosure:
Clark, Ron. The Essential 55: An Award-Winning Educator’s Rules for Discovering the Successful Student in Every Child. New York: Hyperion, 2003. Print.
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